It used to be Criminal, then it was Bench, now it seems that Henley is the new label of choice for the mentally-stunted cavemen that stagger around city centres on weekend nights looking for a fight.
Actually, I am being unfair to these large-browed morons; they can be found looking for fights on most nights, not just the weekend. In fact, it should not even be limited to night times, they are likely to cause trouble any time they leave the house…..and sometimes in the house itself.
What is it about Henley clothing that makes it the new uniform for tossers?
Maybe there was one original King Idiot that started it all? Was he wearing a pair of their hideously over-logo’d jeans when he decided to start a fight with an innocent person that had been unlucky enough to walk within 10 feet of him? Was Henleyman’s act of lobotomized thuggery witnessed by other knuckle-scraping wannabees whom then decided in their infinite thickness, that King Idiot’s unprovoked attack power and moronic prowess must be coming from his ugly jeans? Did this start a chav stampede heading directly to the latest Henley clothing supplier?
Anything is possible in the deranged world of fucktards.
More likely is that the clothing is popular due to its horribly garish design. The arrogance of emblazoning HENLEY all over the clothing probably appeals to their loutish persona. After all it is a match made in testosterone heaven – the clothing and it’s wearers are both socially repugnant!
It is as if the clothing has some IQ-reducing mystical power, as soon as the wearer slips on an item of Henley clothing an instantaneous change washes over them….
1. The eyes become glazed and widen
2.The brow lowers into a scowl
3. Teeth clench, jaws tighten. There may also be drooling.
4. Arms widen and are held away from the body – almost as if the person were carrying an ‘invisible carpet’ under each arm.
5. All maneuverability is lost and the person will bump into other people uncontrollably.
6. Intelligence will fall by 99%
7. Speech will be in the form of shouting and will be limited to 5 common phrases (not unlike a talking Barbie Doll). These are:
- “What the fuck are you looking at”
- “C’mon then”
- “Do you want some or what”
- “Are you looking for a kicking then?”
- “Look at the tits on that!”
8. Hunting senses will be heightened; they will gain an uncanny ability to locate lone prey that is weaker, isolated and unaware.
9. Athletic speed will improve, once an attack has taken place they will be able to run away with great haste, before their victim can get up/ realize what has occurred/has any chance to retaliate.
10. They will feel the need to hug and kiss their friends in a fairly homo-erotic manner every few minutes…..but they are not gay and anyone that says otherwise will get a kicking.
Every town and city have these Henley packs roaming about, the Police could do everyone a favour that is out for a trouble-free, enjoyable night and simply arrest on sight anyone seen wearing these grotesque garments….before they batter someone senseless without reason, one of them most certainly will.
Henley clothing – Fashioned by the blind, worn by the arsehole.