Why is it that people that supposedly drive for a living, and are therefore technically ‘professional’ drivers, are so completely incapable of not driving like total bastards?

I am referring to TAXI DRIVERS.

I make no apologies or qualms about the fact that I fucking hate taxi drivers.

What have they ever done to me?

Well apart from driving like they own the roads, these half-blind ignorant fucktards obviously remove the vehicle indicators when they buy a car. Then they rip out the rear-view and side mirrors, as they will never be used and are just taking up space.

And what is it with the constant U-Turns these arseholes are always making? – Without warning and always in the middle of a busy road.

They pull out of junctions causing you to emergency break, stop where they goddamn like to pick up a fare and happily hold up traffic while they pull up alongside their taxi twat mate for a nice cosy chat.

Taxi drivers are cunts – pure and simple.

None of them ever know where they are going and even when you direct them they ‘accidentally’ make a wrong turn and end up talking you on a detour….and then charge you for it.

I don’t pay a criminally extortionate fare to guide a bloody cabbie to my door. Are they not supposed to take some sort of exam to test their ‘knowledge’ of the local area? Yeah right.

While I am on the subject of fares, who the hell decides on the pay rates? I know of utility companies that would kill for the taxi drivers’ methods of charging. You get in the taxi and before the robbing bastard has even taken the handbrake off the meter reads 3 quid! My car broke down once and I was forced to take a taxi to work for 3 days – same taxi company, same route, same times – I got charged £10 on day one, £14 on day two and £12 on day three…..robbing, siphoning, back-pocketing bastards!

Did I mention that most of them don’t even speak English these days? That would not be an issue if it were not for the fact that I live in an English speaking country and would like to verse my preferred destination in my mother tongue……I am sorry that I do not speak Turkish. I don’t live in Turkey.

They speed, unless you’re actually in the car, then they rarely get out of second gear and they get to choose whatever lane they feel like being in….then just cut you up and act like it’s your fault.

The list of highway rules and regulations that apply to the average driver but never apply to Mr. Taxi-Helmet are many, such as:

• Traffic lights – Red, amber and green are all GO for them.
• Pedestrian Crossings – They are not required to stop, even after they have run someone down.
• Roundabouts – It is ALWAYS their right of way.

If public transport was not so abysmally shit I would never use a taxi, but unfortunately it is shit so occasionally I am forced to endure their erratic driving and monetary inventiveness.

The only thing that ever makes it bearable is the sheer joy that comes with running off without paying.

Fuck you taxi wanker!!!!

The problem is that it happens to be Sunday and a trip that should have taken no more than 30 minutes has just taken me over an hour.

Why twice as long, and why the issue with Sundays?



Bloody old age pensioners!!!



These doddering, steering wheel hugging, oxygen-stealing bastards are everywhere on a Sunday. It’s the only bloody day they take their cars out for the weekly drive to the shop. Get out and walk you lazy sods, for god sake you are sat on your arse all week moaning about the weather and pissing yourselves every 5 minutes.

You should be glad of the outdoor exercise.

The roads are like a plague of 10 mph near-sighted snails, slowly slithering along. Their shells freshly waxed even though they had never seen the light of day to get dirty in the first place.

Why buy a brand new, sports-edition car if you’re never going to take it out of first gear?!

I am not a road hog, I do not drive like some boy-racing twat, or even worse like an Audi TT or BMW owning helmet. I am reasonably considerate unless you try to sneak past in a traffic jam, then I will cut you off, drag you out of the car and beat you. Any other time I am a decent honest road user. But old people…..why?

How are they allowed to continuously plight our roads?

Most of them are blind, half of them are arthritic and the rest have dementia.

Maybe I am being unfair, some coffin dodgers are quite sprightly considering their extended years. I do not disagree with that, but give them a car, send them out on a Sunday and they all drive like they have Miss Daisy in the back.

There should be a law.

Any person lucky enough to survive past sixty who wishes to continue driving has to take a test. Nothing fancy, just a simple health check-up, eyesight test and basic driving skills….like the ability to drive on the correct side of the road, park in a under 20 minutes, not drive straight over roundabouts and then drive faster than 30 mph, without having a seizure.

I am not heartless, if they pass the test without dying they can drive….for a year – then they take the test again. Don’t shake your head; a month is the equivalent of 5 years in old person time.

But until my new law gets voted in these bumbling old wrinklies will continue to slowly hobble out of the shops. Only just staying upright with the aid of a stick, feeling about in front of them blinded by their own hirsute eyebrows and whilst they may have just destroyed 2 shop displays with their shopping trolley steering skills , they will undoubtedly climb into a brand new Mercedes.

And I know damn well I will end up stuck behind them.