Modern Hollywood remakes of classic films. Why?
I have sat in a state of sheer misery and suffered many of these ‘special effect extravaganza’ remakes and have yet to unearth a single one that has been a patch on the original.
In fact, even if they were not badly-made remakes and were just original films in their own right, the majority of them would still be classified as shit films.
In response to my original question, there are a few possible answers:
1. People liked the original and will pay to see if it has been sodomized.
2. Hollywood has completely run out of any new ideas.
3. Some arrogant arse actually believes he can do a better job.
4. If it has better effects, CGI and a bigger budget it has to be an improvement.
5. They are doing it just to piss me off.
I bit my tongue when they started massacring the zombie films, I suffered near-fatal blood pressure when they threw water in my face and redid The Italian Job but still I held my silence. When they broke my favourite toy and made a hash of Assault On Precinct 13 – I developed an embarrassing facial tick but swallowed my rage….
But now they can just fuck right off.
Nobody kicks me in the plums, calls my mother a slut and dares to remake….
“The Taking of Pelham 123”
Burn in hell you bastards, you burn in hell and you die!
What’s wrong with these bloody producers? Are they not content with snorting their own body weight in cocaine and molesting under-age hopefuls promised a big break if the smoke Daddy’s cigar? Why did they feel it necessary to mess with a true classic?
You can’t improve on perfection.
OK, maybe their intention was never to improve on the original, maybe they felt it warranted modernization. They were magnificently misguided. Stop fucking with my favourite films!
Come to think of it, why are so many of these Hollywood atrocities remakes of classic British flicks? Is it some historical payback? Jesus, you already threw our tea in a river and that was just mean – now you want to piss on our classic films as well, talk about holding onto a grudge.
Before you accuse me of paranoia and sulking over nothing, it’s not just us Brits whom are on the end of these film-based historic retributions, it seems the poor old Japanese are being paid back in full for Pearl Harbour. The Ring (original) is probably the greatest psychological horror of all time, not only has Hollywood remade that and countless other Japanese horror greats, but they have remade The Grudge and stuck Sarah Michelle ‘Wooden’ Geller in it. If that’s not a war crime, I do not know what is!
That’s right Hollywood; I am on to your diabolical Machiavellian remake plot. You may have fooled everyone else into thinking you were innocently churning out shitty films but not me – I know your dirty little secret and now thanks to my expose, so will the readers…..both of them.
Watch your back Hollywood.