Some thieving chiselling twatter stole my Hotmail account the other day.

Yes, I was hijacked.

It left me feeling abused and defenceless.



No, not really, it just pissed me off. I think the worst think about cyber theft is the whole faceless offender aspect. What I mean is that if you are robbed in the street at least you have an actual physical person to blame it on. If you are fortunate, you can even catch the person and break some of their limbs.

Ok, I accept that you are in no danger of any physical harm from cyber crime – unless they use your credit card to buy porn, and the wife thinks your ‘cyber-thief’ alibi is bullshit and breaks your testicles. That would be bad – but the chances are that any online crime will result in mental anguish alone.

No Honour Among Thieves

Still, it is not acceptable. In fact, it is quite worrying. To think that some absolute fucker from Nigeria can steal your identity and card details, and then buy himself three pairs of Nike Air Max and a Reebok tracksuit from eBay – it’s the stuff of nightmares.



Especially if the bastard doesn’t leave any positive feedback for the seller…..



You selfish Nigerian twat, everyone knows that feedback is reciprocal! Now, not only am I £150 out of pocket, I am STILL 3 feedbacks short of a gold star.

I understand you’re a dishonest stealing helmet but there is no need whatsoever to be a complete arse about it. It wouldn’t have taken you a minute to add a nice comment or two, now you have totally fucked me over and I don’t even have a gold eBay rating to show for it……..you self-centred tosspot.

Anyway, I digress. This is about my stolen email account – not my previous eBay troubles.

Email Theft

Actually, it wasn’t so bad. My girlfriend asked me why I had sent her an odd email telling her about some really good site to buy stuff from. I hadn’t, so I checked my account and sure enough, the same email was present in my sent messages folder and had been sent to all my contacts. Not that was necessarily a bad thing, I had not cleared my contacts list for a while and some of the names in there were companies and odd people that I had grievances with via email. Maybe there was a silver lining and one of them opened the spam and got a virus!

Sadly that was doubtful, as I think the message was just some lowlife trying to earn affiliate commission.

Still, the wanker had my email account and if he sent shit loads of messages I could be hit with a spam complaint and I had owned that email for 10 years. Thieving spam boy could fuck off……it was mine.

Although the unlucky fuckwit had stolen the wrong account really…..most of my friends are complete tight-arses, he had fuck all chance of making a sale. I am surprised I didn’t receive abusive emails back from them telling me to do one and stop harassing them with shit.

An Easy Cure

The solution to my problem was simple really, I changed my password and since then all has been fine. I was concerned how he had gotten my password until the other day…..

I noticed a weird email from my girlfriend; the email was advertising a place to get a cheap iPod!

We checked her account and low and behold, someone had hacked her email and sent that message to everyone in her contacts. I got her to change her password and no more dodgy spam BUT…..her contact list has been wiped and for a while she couldn’t receive and incoming mail!

Bloody Hotmail!

I have my suspicions that Hotmail are not entirely innocent in all of this. There is no way anyone could have got my girlfriends password via my account. I think there has been some form of security breach at Hotmail so if you have one of their accounts I would keep a close eye on your sent messages.



Blimey, this almost counts as an educational, informative post. Bollocks.

Why is it that people that supposedly drive for a living, and are therefore technically ‘professional’ drivers, are so completely incapable of not driving like total bastards?

I am referring to TAXI DRIVERS.

I make no apologies or qualms about the fact that I fucking hate taxi drivers.

What have they ever done to me?

Well apart from driving like they own the roads, these half-blind ignorant fucktards obviously remove the vehicle indicators when they buy a car. Then they rip out the rear-view and side mirrors, as they will never be used and are just taking up space.

And what is it with the constant U-Turns these arseholes are always making? – Without warning and always in the middle of a busy road.

They pull out of junctions causing you to emergency break, stop where they goddamn like to pick up a fare and happily hold up traffic while they pull up alongside their taxi twat mate for a nice cosy chat.

Taxi drivers are cunts – pure and simple.

None of them ever know where they are going and even when you direct them they ‘accidentally’ make a wrong turn and end up talking you on a detour….and then charge you for it.

I don’t pay a criminally extortionate fare to guide a bloody cabbie to my door. Are they not supposed to take some sort of exam to test their ‘knowledge’ of the local area? Yeah right.

While I am on the subject of fares, who the hell decides on the pay rates? I know of utility companies that would kill for the taxi drivers’ methods of charging. You get in the taxi and before the robbing bastard has even taken the handbrake off the meter reads 3 quid! My car broke down once and I was forced to take a taxi to work for 3 days – same taxi company, same route, same times – I got charged £10 on day one, £14 on day two and £12 on day three…..robbing, siphoning, back-pocketing bastards!

Did I mention that most of them don’t even speak English these days? That would not be an issue if it were not for the fact that I live in an English speaking country and would like to verse my preferred destination in my mother tongue……I am sorry that I do not speak Turkish. I don’t live in Turkey.

They speed, unless you’re actually in the car, then they rarely get out of second gear and they get to choose whatever lane they feel like being in….then just cut you up and act like it’s your fault.

The list of highway rules and regulations that apply to the average driver but never apply to Mr. Taxi-Helmet are many, such as:

• Traffic lights – Red, amber and green are all GO for them.
• Pedestrian Crossings – They are not required to stop, even after they have run someone down.
• Roundabouts – It is ALWAYS their right of way.

If public transport was not so abysmally shit I would never use a taxi, but unfortunately it is shit so occasionally I am forced to endure their erratic driving and monetary inventiveness.

The only thing that ever makes it bearable is the sheer joy that comes with running off without paying.

Fuck you taxi wanker!!!!

What is the most common sentence you will hear in a town or city centre as you meander about minding your own business?



“Can you spare any change?”



It seems that begging has now become an acceptable occupation; it would not surprise me if I discovered that Universities and other higher education establishments were now offering degree courses in scrounging and obtaining monies by deception.

Mendicant Epidemic

Bloody beggars have multiplied like rabbits in recent times and you can’t walk 10 yards these days without being accosted by some parasitic scumbag, off their face on drink or drugs, expecting you to cough up the cash for their next fix or bottle of super-strength cider.

It makes me sick.

Pity those less fortunate than yourself

Don’t misunderstand me, I know there are some genuine cases of people that are temporarily down on their luck and are just trying to procure a bit of change for a much needed meal. I do sympathise with individuals who have suffered some terrible misfortune that was beyond their control and have ended up on the streets.

Fuck the rest of the idle bastards…



What I don’t feel an ounce of pity for is the lazy twats that can’t be arsed to look for a job and think it is their right to harass you for money, so they can spend all day getting pissed or shoving a needle in their arm, or both. They can fuck off and die…..hopefully the latter.

These haranguing shits are nearly always aggressive when you tell them to piss off, and if I hear one more lie about them needing the money for a cup of tea or a bus ticket I will beat them with their own dog-eared copy of The Big Issue.

Scum of the earth

These are not the bearded, dishevelled, scabies-riddled beggars you normally find sat in a doorway next to a little cardboard sign. At least they are genuinely homeless and in need of some change. No, these arseholes have either been given a free flat, or house, and are all wearing brand new designer clothes, none of which they have actually paid for. The majority of these scumbags are also rampant shoplifters; they literally pay for nothing, except drugs.

Once they have spent all their benefit money on getting high, they will be out begging, or robbing and mugging the elderly or some poor lone female. They will snatch your bag, phone or wallet and be back an hour later to ask you for some spare change.



Satisfaction is a bad batch of heroin that deservedly kills a few of them for a week or two.

Waste of oxygen

One of the most infuriating aspects is that these workshy, addict shits spend their entire life with their hands outstretched, waiting for everyone to give them everything for nothing – and then the government does exactly that.

People that have worked their entire lives, paid taxes and been a productive member of society find they get little assistance from the government in times of hardship. These sponging, pestilent, blights on existence get absolutely everything they want….free money, free housing, free dental and optical care etc all paid for with our tax money and without our consent.

I pay taxes to support my country, not to keep the very scum that are bringing it to its knees. They should get fuck all. If you have never worked, why should you be able to claim benefits…..what benefit have YOU ever provided?

Make them useful

With innocent people dying from landmines in war-torn countries and our brave soldiers giving their lives to protect others whom they have never met, it is a complete travesty that the government are not making use of the abundance of pathetic scum we have, just lying about, doing nothing.

We are in financial crisis and need to save money where we can. Not only are these dregs of society worth less that a bullet, they cost money to keep and why the fuck should soldiers die when these wasters get to stagger around, off their faces, without a care in the world?

Send these twats to Iraq and Afghanistan, let the enemy waste their bullets on them. Throw some packets of heroin or crack onto suspected minefields and let them scramble desperately for their fix and with any luck, set any hidden mines off.

It’s a win-win situation. The enemy runs out of bullets, the mines get safely disposed of and the scrounging tossers that drain the country dry disappear – and for once they have actually been of some use.



Now if only we could get rid of the waster charities that pander to these parasites…..