Backed into a corner

The really do have the men by the betty swollocks. Well those that are not sad and lonely anyway. Actually cancel that….they have them duped too. After all, the gimpy stalker types that sit drooling at the office hottie all year now have the opportunity to send a mysterious Valentines card to their object of desire/next kidnap victim.

Normally, these retards would cream their pants and have an asthma attack at the thought of doing anything as brave as sending a gift….they prefer to watch from afar…usually with the aid of a long range telescope and some kleenex. On this one day alone they can send a card and bewilder their unsuspecting target.

Valentines Day encourages unsolicited mail from losers….it’s a frigging spam-fest!

And you know how I love SPAM

Anyway, I digress.

They want the world!

The problem is that your beloved partners now expect something fancy on Feb 14th. They expect a pathetically mushy card, chocolates, a horrid gift like a teddy bear or heart cushion, flowers and a bloody meal! Jesus woman, I am still recovering from Christmas….what’s wrong with a cheap petrol station card and an Indian takeaway?

Absolutely nothing! If you want to have a sex ban and month of silence enforced upon you. Granted, the silence is hardly a discouragement but the sex ban is troublesome enough to send you running to your nearest teddy bear shop.

Is it just me?

Am I being one-sided? No not really, it is Valenetine’s that is one-sided. The man will maybe get a card and a pair of ridiculous novelty ‘I love you’ boxer shorts, or a thong. It is hardly fair.

I can be romantic, in fact I love buying little surprise gifts for my other half….but I like doing that on my own terms, when I feel like it. I have a problem with being forced to buy over-priced tat just because bloated cash-hungry marketers have twisted valentine’s into something grotesque.

It makes me sick.

And yes, I have already booked a table for two at an expensive Italian restaurant, ordered some roses and got a heart-infested card today.

And a teddy bear.